Joining Their World: The 8 Styles of Play
Why Play Matters More Than You Think
When you watch a child stacking blocks only to knock them down with glee, or creating elaborate stories with their toys, you're witnessing something profound. Play isn't just entertainment—it's one of our first and most essential occupations as humans. It's how we learn, explore, create, and connect with others.
In those early years, play is education. Through trial and error, adaptation, and small victories, children develop problem-solving skills, learn collaboration, spark creativity, and build executive functioning abilities. And here's the beautiful part: in infancy and early childhood, we as caregivers get to be their first play partners. It's a reciprocal dance between parent and child that evolves as they grow, eventually extending to friends, siblings, and classmates.
Understanding how your child plays—and joining them in their world—helps you connect more deeply, support their learning, and watch them flourish.
By Aine O'Toole, Quinnipiac MOT Graduate Student
November 24, 2025
Picture Source: Rawpixel
Discovering Your Child's Play Style
Every child has their own unique way of playing. Dr. Stuart Brown, who has devoted his life to studying play, identified eight distinct play patterns. Recognizing which ones resonate with your child can help you join their world more effectively:
The Joker loves "nonsense"—baby voices, silly sounds, dramatic falls, anything that sparks laughter and joy.
The Kinesthete needs to move. These are the kids who seem to think better when they're in motion, not competing, just moving for the pure pleasure of it.
The Explorer takes in the world either physically (wandering from place to place) or intellectually (through books, music, learning, dancing).
The Competitor thrives on games with rules, keeping score, and winning—whether that's through team sports like baseball or solo challenges like video games.
The Director is the natural organizer, the child who wants to be in charge and orchestrate the action.
The Collector finds value in gathering objects or experiences, whether it's trains, rocks, trading cards, or memories from special places.
The Artist/Creator comes alive through drawing, coloring, building, making music—any form of creative expression. They might proudly display their work or quietly treasure it themselves.
The Storyteller lives for imaginary play, creating elaborate scenes, characters, and narratives that can transform any ordinary moment into an adventure.
Your child might be one type or a beautiful blend of several. The key is observing and discovering what makes them light up.
Success doesn't have to mean a pillowcase full of candy and Instagram-worthy photos. Maybe success is your child tolerating the costume for 3 minutes. Maybe it's them saying "trick or treat" to one person. Maybe it's just getting out the door. All of these? They're wins worth celebrating.
How to Join Your Child’s Play World
Once you've identified your child's play preferences, it's time to step into their world. Here's how to create that magical reciprocal engagement:
Start by observing. Watch your child play independently. What toys do they gravitate toward? How do they use them? Are they sorting, building, creating stories, or something else entirely?
Join in on their terms. Engage with the toys the same way they do. Use simple language to narrate what you're doing together. If your child is filling buckets with blocks and dumping them repeatedly, you might say, "Let's dump it!" and share in the excitement.
Help expand their play gently. If they're using the same toy every day, that's perfectly okay! Show them new ways to use it, or introduce similar toys that fit their play pattern. The goal isn't to redirect—it's to enrich.
Stay fully present. Carve out dedicated time where you're not distracted by your phone or to-do list. Let your child see that you genuinely enjoy being in their world.
Embrace the silliness. Play pretend. Make funny voices. Show them that play is joyful for you too. Your enthusiasm is contagious.
Supporting Big Emotions During Play
Play brings out every emotion—joy, frustration, excitement, disappointment. When emotions run high, children often need our help to navigate them. This is where co-regulation comes in: the process of an adult helping a child manage their emotional state.
Here are some strategies to support your child when play gets overwhelming:
Keep yourself regulated first. Take a few deep breaths before reacting. Your calm presence is their anchor. The bigger our reaction, the more fuel we add to their emotional fire.
Validate what you see. Acknowledge their struggle with simple phrases: "That looks tricky," "I see how hard you're trying," or "We'll get through this together."
Soften your approach. Use open, calm body language and a gentle voice. When a child is heightened, they need us to model the calm they're trying to find.
The Gift of Play
Play is where children explore who they are and who they're becoming. Through reciprocal interactions with us, they first learn how to engage with the world. As they grow, our role shifts from director to supporter, but we remain essential guides through their developmental journey.
By giving children rich opportunities to learn through play, we're not just filling their days with fun—we're supporting their development, building their confidence, and creating connections that will last a lifetime.
So the next time your child invites you to join their game, their story, or their world of imagination—say yes. Get down on the floor. Be silly. Be present. You're not just playing—you're building the foundation for everything that comes next.
What's your child's play style? Share in the comments below!