Principles from Autistic Coach and Author Chris Bonnello

This blog will focus on:

• Chris Bonnello sharing his Autistic experience

• Covers 7 Learning Principles

Lessons from: Chris Bonnello, Summarized by Katie Welch COTA/L & Carly Bonanno, MOT, OTR/L

December 2025

Chris Bonnello is an Autistic educator, coach and author with a far-reaching social media presence. He shares his Autistic experience in a way that helps build awareness without alienating. Bringing awareness of our own ableism, allistic views, Chris allows you to shift your perspective without shame or blame. Know better, do better. We invited him to speak to us at Buttonloop to continue to grow by learning directly from Autistic individuals. Chris shared 7 underlying principles with us as well as many personal stories and student experiences. 

7 Points of Consideration

1.   Have a deeply personal commitment to self determination.

2.     Acknowledge that subconscious ableism is real and can affect you.

3.     Get to know someone meaningfully.

4.     Listen to autistic people. No seriously, I mean really, REALLY listen. 

5.      Allow your clients to say no.

6.     Your job is to enable, not to direct.

7.     Preferences really matter.

1.Have a deeply personal commitment to self-determination

Self determination is the process by which a person controls their own life and makes independent choices. By committing to promote self determination in our clients we are promoting autonomy and independence. An activity or task should never be avoided due to a diagnosis, the more opportunities for independence a child is provided the more they are going to be able to thrive.

2. Acknowledge that subconscious ableism is real and can affect you.

Knowing better and doing better should be the personal mantra for all educators, caregivers and therapists. Ableism is discrimination in favor of able-bodied people. And both able-bodied people and disabled people can have ableist moments. Learning from Autistic individuals about their lived experiences is a great way to build awareness of our own bias. Hearing their stories brings a new, broader perspective to knowing better and doing better.

3. Find partners that know your child meaningfully.

Teachers, therapists, doctors etc sometimes come from a place of ‘knowing better’ than the client who is seeking them out for help. All Humans seek connection. It is not unprofessional or inappropriate to share some of yourself to build the connection with your client. Sharing your likes or dislikes as well as relatable stories about your family helps to build a more collaborative relationship. Relationship based interventions focus on trust and safety as a basis to participation. 

4. Listen. No seriously, REALLY listen.

The double empathy theory is from a study that showed neurotypes communicate better within their neurotype (ie. neurotypical to neurotypical and autistic to autistic). There are more neurotypical communicators in the world than neurodivergent communicators and because of this people feel that Autistic communication is ‘wrong’.  In actuality this study shows that when people of differing neurotypes communicate there was often a communication breakdown. Many autistic individuals communicate in varying levels of verbal and non-verbal communication. It is important to recognize and honor non-verbal communication as much as we do spoken communication. By truly listening we create a strong foundation of trust between the adult and child.

5. Allow kids to say no.

Saying no is a form of self advocacy. Self advocacy is an important skill to learn because it teaches kids to ensure their needs are met and they have equal access to opportunities. It fosters independence and confidence in the child. When we respect and honor an autistic child’s communication we foster a relationship where they can express their emotions and seek help when they need it.

6. Our job is to enable.

Rewards and punishments tend to be the first approach people take when there is a behavior that works against what the adult is working towards. There has been a shift in thinking about how to address behaviors. Behavior is a form of communication. Enabling a child to access what they need is a much quicker route to regulation, self-awareness, and autonomy. Directing a child about what to do and how to get there does no promote autonomy. With trust and safety in place children can explore more and build the skills you are looking to help them with.

7. Preferences really matter.

Passion areas or special interests are topics that are very meaningful to an autistic individual. When you share in the joy of their interests, it creates a bond of trust and safety and builds a connection with the individuals. Many autistic individuals have a monotropic brain which means they know a lot on one topic which is usually their passion area. Utilizing interest based learning increases engagement and helps create a bond between you and the autistic individual.

Want your child to feel supported in a neuro-affirming environment focused on individualism and strengths? Click here to contact us!

Learn more from Chris:

https://autisticnotweird.com/

https://www.facebook.com/autisticnotweird